Military Troops

I used to naively think that most soldiers fought for money and country and didn’t really care about the missions they were sent on. I’m not sure why I thought that really. I guess I’ve seen too much propaganda about kids being pulled into the military from poor neighborhoods where people can’t really afford college. It is incredibly evident that those men and women on the ground are more interested in making a difference in the grander scheme of things.

I guess some of my thoughts came from the differences between World War II and the Vietnam War and the similarities between the Vietnam War and the War in Afghanistan and Iraq. In WWII, soldiers joined because they were fighting a concrete enemy that was threatening to take over the world. In the Pacific theatre, marines prevented Japanese takeover of Australia and liberated the island nations that Japan laid claim to when the empire expanded. In Europe, army forces liberated most of Europe from German rule. Soldiers were greeted with cheering crowds and were constantly reminded that what they were doing was achieving tangible results.

In Vietnam, it was unfortunately a very different story. Soldiers were surrounded by people who most certainly did not want them there. It was impossible to know who was an enemy and who was a friendly face. Tangible results were completely non-existent. If soldiers had gone there thinking they were making a difference, this idea was most certainly lost very quickly. I saw a documentary last night about the massacre at My Lin. There were hundreds of non-combatants that were slaughtered. Anything that moved was hunted down and shot. It happened because the soldiers were completely furious and in hunt of enemy forces. They thought they finally found an enemy strong hold. They were ordered to shoot anything that moved. One of the soldiers explained, “If anything moves, shoot it. If it is a building, burn it. If it grew, destroy it. If it was alive, kill it.” It ended up being a peaceful village, full of women and children, that was completely wiped out. These things aren’t done by soldiers who felt they were there to help the people or to make a difference. These atrocities are done by soldiers who only want to get the mission done and get out.

The reason why I thought this mindset would continue is the fact that there are similarities between Afghanistan, Iraq, and Vietnam. The thing is though that while a lot of people didn’t really want Americans there, there is still a lot of good that those soldiers are doing. I read a story in time magazine about Captain Ellis trying to rebuild a school in a town not far from Kandahar. The Canadians had built the school, but Taliban forces had driven them out, broken all the windows of the school and placed mines and IEDs across it so that no one could even step foot in it. And the difference here is incredibly apparent when the villagers appreciate seeing their children being able to learn how to read and write. They were appreciative of the soldiers’ efforts to rebuild the school. It’s a reminder of a long time ago when a soldier’s purpose in the grand scheme of things was actually apparent. I’m reminded of how beautiful it is that these men and women serve and I am very appreciative of it.

Thanks Guys.

A Forgotten Argument

Back in 2008, we had debates about our choices for president. One side argued the wisdom and the “take no shit from no one” attitude of the old maverick. The other side argued for hope and change from the young and vibrant liberal. Something I remember arguing about in particular was the fact that Obama was young and inexperienced, while John McCain had been in the political scene for quite some time. The issue was the fact that Obama would have to learn on the job and we can’t afford to wait for someone to learn on the job when it comes to the presidency.

My argument was that it was far worse having another four years with a bad or even mediocre president. I felt that, while Obama would be incredibly inexperienced at first, he would soon get acquainted and manage to do a lot with his presidency. I knew that Obama would take some time to adjust to the position. What’s funny is I actually had forgotten this last year. I was really disillusioned with what the president had been able to accomplish in his first year of office.

I had forgotten that I was supposed to be giving him time to learn. And now it seems as though he figured things out and is ready to get things done. Bill Maher said it best when he said Obama “found his mojo.” Getting health care through was like some strange video game level up. He realized what he had to do to get things done and now has congress finally looking like it does something all day. They can’t even decide what laws they want to update. Should they work on financial reform? Should they work on immigration? Should they work on a climate bill? I don’t remember a time when what to work on was actually a contentious issue. It actually made certain congressmen to stray from support of a bill simply because they were upset that they were working on something else first. Of course, I look at this as the most immature move ever, but I’ll let those babies be babies.

So, Obama’s finally back on my good side. That “hopy changy thing” sounds like it’s back on track. By the way Sarah Palin, you weren’t only mocking Obama with that snide remark. You were mocking millions of people who voted for him. This is why we hate you. If anyone thinks Obama is going to need to be worried about winning the people over in 2012 is living in a fantasy. Unless he does something horribly wrong and not just philosophically wrong, as the ultra conservatives feel he is the devil, he will have no trouble winning another term.

Grad School

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about graduate school to continue my education in the field of computer science, but I’ve started to think about the uses of such a degree. A program I would enjoy would have a number of electives in the field of computer graphics for me to choose from, since this is the only subject matter in academic computer science that actually interests me. The trouble I have though is the fact that getting into a good program would be difficult given my grades, and then I’d have to pay for the program once I got in.

The benefit, of course, would be future careers in computer graphics doing research for big companies. However, every company I have ever looked into always valued experience as much as a degree. Why, then, am I going to waste a year and a boat load of cash just for a title and a piece of paper? Part of me is fond of the idea of the title of course, but it’s really unjustifiable. If I can throw down a full portfolio of graphics demos, then I will most definitely have the necessary experience to end up wherever I want. I’ll just have to work hard to learn what I need to learn on my own and produce these demos.

Intuition

Intuition is a term that one of my college math professors would use often while teaching. He would say he was attempting to get us to develop an intuition about a certain theorem or set of problems that we were solving. When you have this intuition, you start to more instinctually know how to solve problems rather than thinking out what the best path to take is and why. I’ve come to see how important this intuition really is and also how strange it is that we as humans can really develop such intuition about such complex things.

Intuition comes largely with experience. When you’ve dealt with a particular subject enough times, you can start relating different versions of it back to what you’ve seen. This relation gives you the ability to take what seems like educated guesses. However, because of your experience, your guess can very likely be a very good answer to a problem. It’s that realization that really gives me confidence in something because it makes me realize that what might have felt like a guess wasn’t really a guess at all.

The other thing about intuition is that different people develop it at different speeds and are limited in how far their intuition can be developed in different fields. For instance, in my math classes, a couple of them were very difficult for me. Discrete geometry was one of the hardest classes I’ve ever taken. My ability to develop intuition about anything I was being taught was simply not there. I struggled through every test, not really ever quite understanding the material. Now, I could have studied hard and developed that intuition, but time constraints and willpower put a damper on that plan. On the other hand, there were students in the class who just immediately picked up the material and said, “I understand this, I can solve all of these problems easily.” Whether they had to do a lot of work to reach that point, I can only stipulate, but the point is they reached it and I couldn’t.

Do I feel envious at all? Not in the least, simply because I know I can develop a stronger intuition about other things faster so I will focus on those more. I ended up doing alright in the class, but it was an uphill struggle the whole time. It makes me realize just how tough a master’s program is going to be for me. There is master’s level work that I have done for my bachelor’s degree, but there is going to be the really tough stuff that I am going to have to really buckle down and study hard for. The thing is though that I wouldn’t be on such a tight schedule for whatever game I was working on at DigiPen, so I would have time to devote to classes. The idea that I will have both the will to work hard and the time to study for classes gives me confidence that I would do well in a graduate program.

Not Enough Hours In A Day

It’s been some time since I’ve gotten inspiration to write, so I’ve been holding off on any sort of nonsensical rambling. However, in the spirit of continuing to develop my craft, I really do have to write every day. So here comes some nonsensical rambling. I’m listening to Jacques Brel singing some crazy French folk music. It’s the vastest library of French music I’ve ever had. It’s such a rough language; I wonder sometimes why it’s so popular. I’ve been considering putting some kind of language learning tool on this laptop so that I can take some time away from writing to learn a foreign language. Speaking of rough languages, perhaps I might learn German.

Another option I’m considering is putting DirectX on this laptop and doing some graphics research. The difficult part is the fact that I’d need a ton of material installed on the laptop since I don’t have the internet to look anything up. Another issue is the fact that this is a netbook and not an actual computer that can compute things. I’ll be able to do some lighting and things, but anything that requires intensive algorithms will chug like crazy. It’ll probably be fine for what I want to do at first and then once I get far enough along I’ll just do something else for a while and move the research onto a computer.

There really aren’t enough hours in a day. I’ve been saying that like crazy lately. I just have no time to be bored. I always have something that I should be doing or working on. I’ve got a plan for the project that I’ve been having trouble finishing, so at least now I have the goal completely laid out. I’m hoping many of the things in my estimates will be shorter than what I’ve figured they’d take. There are just a number of things that I am afraid of, and those things get massive estimates so that I remind myself to be wary of it before saying how soon I can get something done.

Estimates are a very important part of a production process. There are people who might shrug it off as something that you can just pull out of nowhere and move on and never look back. The point of it is to establish that you are going to do something within a period of time and you are bound to this estimate so that you push yourself to get it done within your estimate. You can also see how productive you are being if you make your estimates or miss them. This allows you to assess the issues as to why you missed your estimate. Some questions you might ask are, “Did something get in my way? Was I distracted and not being as productive as I could be? Was this task simply more complex than I originally anticipated? What happened to make me miss my mark?” Ask these questions and reassess so that the next project’s estimate is closer to being spot on. Eventually you won’t make any of those mistakes and you will be able to really nail down a project timeline.

Humbled

Too often, I get called out for being totally full of myself. It’s absolutely true. I will walk into a room and immediately announce that I am in fact better than you. But the thing is that when I do that, I am usually dedicated to proving it at any chance that I can get. It’s the competitive drive that does actually force me to improve my skills. The interesting thing is that I was never this competitive of a person. I think what started it really was the fact that I discovered the things that I’m good at, and the sense of trusting in my own skills was fostered by my peers. Granted, the peers that fostered that notion probably pushed it too far, and that’s where you get that my current mindset.

I’ve come to realize though that I really need to start toning it down. I might be a bit bold to think of myself as someone who belongs in a leadership position, kind of an odd catch 22 you might say, but a leader must really be incredibly humble and foster that sense of pride in other people. Confidence is a major factor in one’s ability. You need skills and you need to develop those skills, but without confidence, I’ve seen that people can just sit back and say, “I can’t do it, so why bother?” That’s a horrible way to look at anything. Another factor in this is obviously passion. If you have no passion, then you can never answer the question, “Why bother?” Let’s assume that a person is passionate about something though. Then the next step is to never underestimate your own abilities and keep trying until it finally clicks.

All of our brains are made totally differently, so it might take a little bit of extra effort in some areas but other areas will come easier once your brain gets accustomed to that way of thinking. My brain has really easy paths for thinking of big systems in simple terms and solving architectural problems in simple yet elegant ways. When it comes to physics though, I could never and will never be able to understand torque. If I ever had a passion for physics, I would attack that problem until it died, but I don’t, so I’ll leave that area to the people who do it well, but that doesn’t mean I should give up on games or even give on physics. I just know it’ll be more difficult to do if I ever had to do it, but I’m never afraid of needing to force myself to learn something new.

This has been a weird post but there are lessons to take away from this. There’s nothing wrong with being a little confident and competitive. However, there comes a point when you have to now transpose your confidence onto someone else and take a step back. You actually have to start doing this before you think you need to, so that the people around you are willing to follow your leadership. You can’t ever ignore the need for passion but on top of passion you have to be dedicated, or you may actually even lose the passion you had. It’s odd but they are different things. Finally, even if you are faced with adversity, you must prevail and eat whatever comes at you. Doing this will force you to be better and help you with everything

Work Habits

I’ve been having trouble coming up with things to write about lately, and I just realized what the reason is. It’s not hard to get topics when you actually do something other than code. So let’s talk about my schedule and why I’m not exposed to any elements that create blog topics. I get up in the morning, take a shower, and hop on the train. Once I get to work, I settle down and start coding. I take my lunch and then continue coding. Around 6:30, I get out and hop on the train back home, which I get to around 7:30. I spend the next hour or two relaxing and getting my brain out of my day job and get some food. This is the only period of time I have to get input useful to my blog, which is really difficult since I tend to watch TV or play a video game at this point. I then settle down in my room and get to coding again. I code until my 1 am cutoff time and get to sleep.

If I don’t get to sleep at 1 am, the rest of my week is completely useless. I can’t get anywhere near the production level I had with my 1 am cutoff time and end up having to go to sleep early to recuperate from the lack of sleep, which makes me lose even more production time. Sticking to the cycle though, I’ve been in a pretty comfortable roll. I’m actually gearing up to get even more focused and I’m hoping to be able to cut my unwinding time down so that I have more time to work on my nightly project.

Even the nightly work itself I feel isn’t focused enough. I need to do some better planning of the whole program and then settle down to get each task done. There is too much of the question, “What should I do next?” There just needs to be a big list of tasks and check them off one at a time. While I was at DigiPen there were a lot of talks on how people work differently and have different needs. I am of the camp where I absolutely need a list and I need the satisfaction of moving things from the list of things needed to be done to the list of things that have been done.

Tonight is going to be my first night job meeting in a while. I think this is a perfect opportunity to really lay out what’s left to be done on the project. It’s going to get kind of technical so my partner might find trouble getting into some of the discussion that would be better suited for a programmer, but just having someone to bounce words off of will help. That’s really what non-programmers are there for sometimes. You might just need to say things out loud to someone to figure things out. I always joke that I should get a rubber duck, but I actually probably should. I also need a chess timer to time how long I take to do each task.

One thing I did for Winter Wars that really worked well was the really refined breakdown of tasks and estimating how long it would take to do each individual task. Because I refined the tasks so much, I was really able to figure out exactly how long sections of the program would take just by adding up all of the estimations in that section. I was then able to look at how long things took overall and see where I could improve not only my focus and organization, but also my time estimates. If something didn’t take as long as I estimated, I would ask the question, “Why?” This cycle is what is really missing from my current project and hopefully starting today I can remedy that.